Clarity

You could write a song about some kind of emotional problem you are having, but it would not be a good song, in my eyes, until it went through a period of sensitivity to a moment of clarity. Without that moment of clarity to contribute to the song, it's just complaining. - Joni Mitchell

There is something worth pondering in this quote. I often get lost in the complaining and totally miss the moment of clarity. Faith, trust, quiet patience with open eyes.... struggles and pain offer us a deeper part of the song.

Saturday Morning Cloud

On my way out of Warsaw on Saturday morning I saw this amazing "mountain-looking" cloud filling the western sky. It was so amazingly huge I had to stop the car and take a couple of photos. By the time I passed through Etna Green  I had already driven through it.

 

Last Minute Birthday Reflections

As I look back over my day today, I can see that this was really a different kind of birthday for me than in the years past. There was a sense of rest and peace to my day, instead of my normal path of dread and struggle.

As I approached my birthday celebration with friends tonight, there was just a tiny amount of awkwardness that felt more to do with being the center of attention than with any internal desire to flee. It was a wondrous surprise to me that I was feeling so free in it.

This felt odd to me because I have been feeling such a rawness over life these past couple of months. It isn't that the rawness of life was gone tonight; it was just that I felt rest in the presence of these friends who know me so well. It allowed me to feel the rawness and still enjoy being there. I feel so grateful.

Every year at my birthday party I am asked for reflections or thoughts on the last year. As it gets closer to my birthday I always feel this scramble to pull my thoughts together, to have a script of sorts to share. I was really surprised today that I didn't feel any need to scramble... It felt completely okay for me to be raw and disoriented; to just share what came to my mind. I found that this freedom allowed me to be more present tonight. This feels like such a good thing for me and for my friends as well.

What a wonderful evening of great food, great friends (such energy), and the freedom of letting myself be loved. I have such overly-generous and overly-gracious friends. I am truly one blessed St. Patrick's Day baby!

Alive!

I really like the line "the lamb of God who rolled away the stone in front of every grave." What beautiful imagery!

The Beauty of Spring

This amazingly beautiful little green flower showed up in the flowerbed among the daffodils. I do believe spring has finally sprung. The beauty of nature has such easy way of softening my heart.

'Merely Carried" vs. "Carried by God"

....To let oneself be carried 'by God' is not to run from the loneliness but to let it disclose a deeper basis for togetherness: not a honeymoon basis, a golden wedding basis.

    We spoke of Thérèse of Lisieux. For her, this togetherness meant a silver thread of naked trust, with the absolute minimum of feed-back. Poems which she composed during her months of inner darkness gave no hint of the seeming godlessness of it all. Explaining the brightness of her verses, she said, 'I sing what I will to believe.' To go forward on that basis was for her to let herself be, not merely 'carried', but carried by God.

          The Impact of God, Iain Matthew

I am most often concerned with being 'carried by others' and less often concerned with being 'carried by God'. It seems that God is wanting to show me how little I really trust him, to let my loneliness draw me to him, to not settle for being merely carried anymore but to be in search of that golden wedding togetherness. It sounds so pleasant as I write this, but I am fairly sure this type of learning is not going to be that easy.