Harvest Celebration

Each year, we at Valley Springs Fellowship come together to celebrate God’s work in our lives over the past year. Over the years, these services have been both enjoyable and/or provoking for me.  

This year’s Harvest Celebration service has been fast approaching and I have been trying to ready my heart. I’ve wondered over the past couple of weeks what it means for me to not only physically show up but to also wholly participate?

At times my biggest struggle with church has been in just showing up and I have not even asked the question of my participation. The truth is, I can be physically present and not actually be a participant. In fact, I have become rather good at shutting my heart down. I know that I can come to church Sunday, talk with friends, sing, pray, give money & even take communion without ever opening my heart up to worship God.  

But don’t I have much to celebrate?

Each year we are instructed to not come empty-handed, but for me there is a deeper longing to not come empty-hearted. I want my singing, my reading scripture, etc.; to become a reflection of my heart. Perhaps simply starting with the act of offering something can become the path to Him. Perhaps, the posture of bended knee and hands raised opens my heart to greater things.

Because I do have much to celebrate!

This year has been a hard one. I have come to understand how I use abandonment in my friendships in order to control relationship. It has always allowed me to justify my anger at friends and to protect myself from feeling little or any responsibility for distance in our relationships. When relationships have felt too hard or I have felt inept, I flee.

It has been hard for me to choose not to flee; to stay in relationship, especially when I feel conflict. It has been hard to see the value of these choices when it leaves me with such angst. Staying has opened my eyes to how I manage relationship. It has made me realize how much relationship scares me. I feel so inept. I am so inept. We all are inept.

It has also made me grateful that God is not this way with me. 

I have come to see that God’s faithfulness is GREAT!

So this year I am coming to our Harvest Celebration service because I know I really do want to be there despite anything I might be “feeling” to the contrary. I will be singing, reading scripture and participating, knowing that each choice brings with it a painful dying to self. But, there is also an awakening joy and a growing hunger & thirst for him.

(One Thirst by Jeremy Riddle so describes what I feel at the moment about Harvest Celebration.)