Holidays stir a lot of emotions up in me, mostly feelings that swirl around my being alone. It is an easy thing to allow them to rule my heart, which can quickly lead to letting my emotions rule my head. This swirl in turn breeds a spiral of lies that are often hard to stop once they get started. The spiral of lies are mostly about why I am alone.
It feels important these days, that I begin to live out of what I know to be true rather than let my loneliness drive my choices. The truth is, I am deeply loved by God and by my friends.
Trying to live believing this way isn't something that comes easily for me. Life constantly rubs up against the questions, "Do I matter?" and, "Am I wanted?" and it causes all sorts of lies and doubts to surface. My response is usually a demand for others to validate my value, which pushes people away rather than into relationship with me.
So living out of the belief that I am wanted and that I am loved is a very different path for me. Inviting others into the journey rather than demanding they prove my worth by rescuing me has been an amazing God thing. It is what I so long for in relationship.
So this year, although I feel lonely thinking about Valentine's Day, they are only feelings. I know without a doubt I am loved by my Father and I also know without a doubt that I am loved by a rather large group of wonderful friends.
Do I want more? Well yes, of course I would love to be celebrating Valentine's Day with the man of my dreams! I am human after all. A human who is wanted, loved, and validated without question! Happy Valentine's Day!
Trying to live believing this way isn't something that comes easily for me. Life constantly rubs up against the questions, "Do I matter?" and, "Am I wanted?" and it causes all sorts of lies and doubts to surface. My response is usually a demand for others to validate my value, which pushes people away rather than into relationship with me.
So living out of the belief that I am wanted and that I am loved is a very different path for me. Inviting others into the journey rather than demanding they prove my worth by rescuing me has been an amazing God thing. It is what I so long for in relationship.
So this year, although I feel lonely thinking about Valentine's Day, they are only feelings. I know without a doubt I am loved by my Father and I also know without a doubt that I am loved by a rather large group of wonderful friends.
Do I want more? Well yes, of course I would love to be celebrating Valentine's Day with the man of my dreams! I am human after all. A human who is wanted, loved, and validated without question! Happy Valentine's Day!
Dawn, this is beautiful! So honest, so real. So true, though, and so inviting.
ReplyDeleteThank you for putting to words what all of us feel on one kind of holiday or another or on any given day. The fact that you acknowledge this and step towards it in Truth gives me both reason and permission to do the same and to invite someone else to do it as well.
Thank you, Dawn!
D