I'm Still Yours

I've really been struggling the last few weeks and in the process I have been moving further and further from people. I haven't gone to church in four weeks and as much as I want to be there Easter morning I still haven't decided if I will choose to go on Sunday. I had been attending faithfully in the weeks prior even though I didn't really feel like being there. When I was there I felt disconnected, and I often left after the service feeling more desperate than when I came. It feels like nobody seems to understand how much I am struggling these days.

I know that not going to church is a bad choice for me, but I am wondering now if this might be a chance for me to see some of the more deeply embedded lies that I believe. I feel so angry. I feel very angry at people closest to me. I'm not even sure what it is I want from them. I would leave if I could, I would walk away from my church and my friends, but I can't bring myself to do it. I can't hurt them that way no matter what I am feeling in the midst of this crappy life. I know they love me and I also know God loves me. This should be comforting but it only seems to make me more frustrated. I have no case, at least not one the stands up. I feel great turmoil in it all.

I was listening to a new Kutless album this morning and I heard a song called, "I'm Still Yours" that I really liked. It feels hard to keep my hands lifted to Him but I feel like there is little else I can do.

You can listen to the song on YouTube:

If You washed away my vanity
If You took away my words
If all my world was swept away
Would You be enough for me?
Would my beating heart still sing?

If I lost it all, Would my hands stay lifted
To the God who gives and takes away
If You take it all, This life You've given
Still my heart will sing to You

When my life is not what I expected
The plans I made have failed
When there's nothing left to steal me away
Will You be enough for me?
Will my broken heart still sing?

If I lost it all, Would my hands stay lifted
To the God who gives and takes away
If You take it all, This life You've given
Still my heart will sing to You

Even if You take it all away
You'll never let me go
Take it all away, But I still know

That I'm Yours, I'm still Yours
Oh, I'm Yours, I'm still Yours
I'm still Yours

I'm Still Yours, sung by Kutless