The Lord's Glory Reflected

I woke up last Sunday morning feeling like I was weighted down under a heavy blanket of shame. I didn't have a lot of words to put to it then. It felt mostly wrapped around this sense of failure that has been the dominant battle for me lately. But there was also a sense that at least a small part of my shame was healthy and that part of it was touching the edge of true brokenness.

I feel overwhelmed by how twisted everything is, it feels so twisted that I don't think I can even begin to separate the good shame from the bad. I feel so desperately in need of others to help me sort through this twisted mess right now.

It happened that it was also communion Sunday at church, and although I wasn't sure what part of my shame was healthy and what part was twisted, I felt able to partake of the Eucharist because I knew it is all covered, every twisted thought and feeling.

Yesterday I was looking up verses in the Bible on shame and somehow (the Spirit's work I am sure) ended up in II Corinthians reading about the Spirit instead.

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

II Cor. 3:17-18 (NIV)

I don't feel much freedom right now, instead I feel like a slave to my struggles and failures. Perhaps that is the bad shame that I feel: the failures, the unhappiness, the hiding and the withdrawal.

I feel like if I uncover my face only my failures will be reflected, but these verses say that when I uncover my face it will reflect the glory of God. I wonder, are they really two separate faces or will the glory of God be reflected in the failures and the misery? Is it really not about looking a certain way but rather about being seen?

These verses also say that we cannot be transformed into God's likeness without being seen. That is quite a rude awakening to someone to just wants to hide.